His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
