You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
