OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
