and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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