I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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