how can u be prego again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
