So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
two words: eviction party
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
