I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
