we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
