Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
