im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
