It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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