Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
