he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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