i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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