My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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