so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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