never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
