it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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