He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
