Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
