i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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