I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
