I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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