he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
