I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
