The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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