There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
