so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
