The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
