we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
