meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
