Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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