I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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