do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
