i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
