Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
