i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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