belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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