Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
