Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
