The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
