a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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