I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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