dude i'm inner monologue high
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
