you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
