made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
