so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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