so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
