How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
