they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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