she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
