I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
